Tag Archives: All posts

On Memory

Memory is a tricky thing. What we “remember” is often shaped and malleable. And most people recognize or understand this in the abstract. They’ve seen a TED talk about it or something.

But in the moment, in each specific moment, people I talk to are almost always certain that this current memory is accurate, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

Maybe it’s an adaptation. I mean, questioning everything you think and believe all the time is a quick path to stress and mental health issues. I should know since that’s a bit how my generalized anxiety manifests itself. But should we not try to be less certain? Should we not always keep the possibility of being wrong (in terms of memory and in general)?

Hypocrisy is the worst sin

Hypocrisy has been on my mind recently. Both in how it impacts my perception of others and how I try to recognize it more in myself.

When I think of fall from graces (mostly in politics) it’s not actually the action that person did. It’s how that action clashes with how they’ve presented themselves. The “locker room” talk from Donald Trump is a good example. It would of sunk many candidates, but it didn’t clash with what he said. In that respect, he wasn’t a hypocrite.

I think about this often. I worry that I’m a hypocrite in many respects. For example, I worry that I’m a hypocrite on climate change. I don’t do as much as many folks. I’m not saying I’m just going out there burning oil or anything. Oh wait, yes, I literally am. We use home heating oil to heat our house. Out where we live it’s almost the only option. We have plans to change to an electric heat pump, but that’s likely to be in 2021. So until then, we’re burning oil.

I also fly to the south every year. Yes, it’s for my health, and taking the train, or bus, down to Mexico isn’t really feasible, but still, the carbon cost is high. All that to say, there are many things that would make me a green hypocrite.

Another instance I’ve been noticing is in terms of others who either share some of my flaws or share some of my past flaws (in action or in thought).

I seem to have a very hard time having compassion for people who act or think just like my 25 year old self acted or thought. Not to mention people who, like my current self, are disorganized, not always on time, get distracted by shiny things, take on too much, are too hard on themselves etc etc.

I think that last one is particularly painful because of how much it exposes my current hypocrisy. I don’t have a fix for this. Yes, I’m trying to be more aware of it, catch it sooner and faster and “redress” as quickly as possible, but I think I’m far from where I could be.

All I can do is to try to make the feedback look of action to realization to change in behaviour faster every time.

What I need to improve at (Please give me feedback)

I did an AMA and it was interesting because since I’m remote and we don’t use zoom, it was hard to see people’s facial reactions. I’m “candid” and at times contrarian and I’m not sure how things are received. It’s interesting because I have this balance where I really want to be open, candid and vulnerable and know that’s what helps organizations thrive. Even if it involves disagreements. Maybe it’s the anxiety (although I think this is probably a “normal” amount of anxiety given the circumstances), but I always really wonder what people really think.

Anyway, during the AMA there was a question asking what I would improve on. I mentioned a few things but I think I missed an opportunity to ask what I can improve on. So I’m asking you, what can I improve on?

For the record I think I mentioned:
1) Improve how I give feedback and how I share my thoughts. It sometimes comes across as rude or like I’m putting others down.
2) Better at time management (I’m terrible at forgetting I have a meeting, getting lost in time)
3) Better at focusing on the next actionable thing. Sometimes I get paralyzed by all the work in front of me and have a hard time starting somewhere.

But I feel like it’s really hard to know what you need to improve on. At Automattic there was a really strong culture of feedback and folks would regularly give each-other feedback (anonymous and direct). That’s something I feel like the Canadian Digital Service doesn’t have (yet!).

So, if you’re reading this, no matter if you’re a friend, acquaintance, former colleague, random person following me on twitter, please help me improve by filling out this form: https://forms.gle/p1BdbYFDbCUo4Qqs6

Rhianna is helping me re-pot plants

I have a bunch of hanging baskets that I brought in from outside. They, like me, don’t get enough sun in the winter so I’m trimming them, adding a few other plants that need less sun, and installing some grow lights on a timer.

I’m making a mess of the house and somehow I don’t have enough potting soil. But regardless, Rhianna is helping so it’s all good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygC8b7F8lP0

Ghosts of Relationships Past – Never Really Over

A fun fact some people don’t know is that me and Nicole dated twice and broke up before getting married. We just weren’t in a good place, either of us. Things just didn’t line up.

It makes me think a bit about how serendipity plays into our whole life. Chance is what predicts wealth, not intellect, that’s not to say there aren’t things that impact it. I’m a lot more likely to marry a francophone than someone who only speaks Mandarin.

That being said, with Facebook, it’s easy to stay up to date (willingly or by chance) with exes lives. Having a glimpse into the different paths that could of been.

While they were all great people, and I don’t know if it’s a psychological immune system response, but I’m happy it wasn’t really over with Nicole.

Skiing

I’m trying to do as much outdoor activity as possible this year and went skiing today for the first time in a while. I got the skis I use regularly from play again sport in like 2003 or something, so let’s just say, not the cream of the crop.

I tried a few pairs of demo skis today at the hill and the difference between all 4 of them was incredible. Turns out I hate any ski that can be described as “playful”. I think I never realized how different skis could be. I’ve always only used the rental ones or this pair that I have now.

In retrospect it should be self evident that different skis perform differently, but 2 skis made me feel in control vs the “ohh shit” that often happens with rental skis. I’m looking at the Deacon 80 and the Mantra 5. I’m going to go to another demo day next weekend to make a decision.

If you’re in the Ottawa area and want to go skiing, send me a line!

If I could turn back time

If you started following me for WordPress (or Basic income, mental health, polyamory, etc) content… I’m sorry. I will start posting more of that…. There’s just going to be noise along the way 😉

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsKbwR7WXN4

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I’d take back those words that hurt you
And you’d stay
I don’t know why I did the things I did
I don’t know why I said the things I said
Love’s like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes
I didn’t really mean to hurt you
I didn’t want to see you go
I know I made you cry, but baby

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I’d take back those words that hurt you
And you’d stay
If I could reach the stars
I’d give ’em all to you
Then you’d love me, love me, like you used to do
If I could turn back time

My world was shattered I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it
Deep in my heart
You walk out that door I swore that I didn’t care
But I lost everything darling then and there
Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong
I know that I was blind, and darling

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I’d take back those words that hurt you
And you’d stay
If I could reach the stars
I’d give ’em all to you
Then you’d love me, love me, like you used to do, oh

If I could turn back time (If I could turn back time)
If I could turn back time (If I could turn back time)
If I could turn back time, oh baby

I didn’t really mean to hurt you
I didn’t want to see you go
I know I made you cry

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I’d take back those words that hurt you
If I could reach the stars
I’d give ’em all to you
Then you’d love me, love me, like you used to do

If I could turn back time (turn back time)
If I could find a way (find a way)
Then maybe maybe maybe you’d stay

Using a Raspberry Pi as file server

I just set up a pseudo NAS with a Raspberry Pi 4 B and a random external hard drive we had lying around. I was really impressed with the Pi’s capabilities. Even when being used as a desktop it’s super snappy. The thing has 4 USB ports and 2 HDMI outs as well as Wifi 5 (AC) and a gigabit LAN (that maxes out around 300MBs).

I know how fast technology changes. Yet it’s so interesting to think back to 25 years ago when I had a Pentium 120Mhz with 16MB ram and a 1GB hard drive (That was huge!). I think I recall the tower costing something like 2500$ (over 4000 in current day dollars) in a big tower. And now this little thing has 250 times more RAM, 4 cores running at 1.5Ghz and with all the add-ons I bought with it was less than 100$.

At times it seems like things move slowly (Where’s my flying car?). And at other times I realize how crazy the next 25 years will be. (You know, if we don’t burn up the planet and all)

Songs, Sophomoric Thoughts and Peanut Butter

Maybe it’s a teen / young adult thing but I remember loving song lyrics. Back then it was MSN messenger days and you’d put song lyrics in your name or in your “personal message” or whatever thing. (For non-Canadians, MSN was more popular than AIM / ICQ in Canada back in the day [well, at least in rural Manitoba])

I always thought it was a bit like saying things without saying them. In that you could post some lyrics, and you’d have ascribed a deep meaning to them but just in case, you could just back out and say you just like the song or something if it turned out not to stick with others. Some form of low cost putting ideas out there.

I decided I was going to post more random stuff on my site. I think my go to when I’m not sure what to say will just be music videos. I’m wary of it being at times too sophomoric or emo, but sometimes songs and music videos express what’s on my mind.

And sometimes it leads to things like this:

Trust me, stick with it until at least 1:30

Wrapping a car!

Nicole has always wanted a lime green car. We’ve changed cars a few times and never were we able to get lime green. So for Christmas she asked for car wrap from family members (we don’t do gifts between ourselves).

Let’s just say, it’s a bit tricky to get going, but up to now, the results look promising. We’re not planning on doing the whole car, just some accents.