Free Will – Same Mistakes

I remember thinking around 16-17 how I had all the information I needed for enlightenment. And in a sense I was right, I knew all of the things about self awareness, about consciousness, about our state of minds and probably also non duality(1)that might of been more like 18-19 etc etc.

I also knew that it didn’t really matter that I had all this information. Life is not about collecting information. That’s really easy, especially now a days with Wikipedia the internet, etc etc. Life is the painful process of turning that information into knowledge and turning that knowledge into wisdom.

The thing is, that process is messy. You misinterpret information, you let cognitive biases get the better of you, you let more primitive feelings from your reptilian or mammalian brain influence your decisions etc.

All the while we have this sort of narrator, the one who thinks they are calling the shots, giving reasoning and “logic” for decisions while in fact, there is no one behind the curtain. And at first that’s depressing and leads to all sorts of bad reactions, and so most of the time we go with not talking about the lack of free will, that it’s dangerous to talk about it in those ways.

Now this is the part of the post where I tell you what part of the post this is supposed to be and what it is instead. But I think I’m going to end it with a song 🙂

I make the same mistakes
Feels like I never learn
Always give way too much
For little in return

I haven’t changed a bit
I’m still not over it
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I…
I never did grow up
Feels like I never will
My friends are all adults
I’m still a teenage girl

I haven’t changed a bit
I’m still not over it
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I…

My friends are all a drag
They think I’m such a flake
They want to go to bed
I want to stay up late
Walking the streets alone
Thinking of you ’til dawn
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I…

Footnotes

Footnotes
1 that might of been more like 18-19

Angsty songs & maybe we should change schools as kids

There are many songs that just scream teenage angst, and I feel like Lazy Eye by Silver Sun Pickups is one of them. And I don’t mean angsty in a bad or derogatory way, just in a, this captures the feelings well. Even the music video feels like exactly what as a 15 year old you think 18 year olds do.

It often felt like during my school years I was just waiting for time to pass by. To finally finish school to go to the fun parts of life. It’s interesting in a way how we portray schools. I wanted to change schools and I think many people often are stuck in shitty situations at school. Bullying, boredom, bad teachers, etc etc. But the common answer is that you need to suffer thru it. I think it has a perverse effect later in life where people don’t leave bad jobs or bad relationships because well, all they know is that they need to suffer thru this.

In reality, if you’re in a bad situation like a bad job, a bad relationship, toxic friendships, etc. you should just leave it. You don’t need to stay and suffer. I worry we’re often teaching kids they need to suffer thru things. Oh sure there’s a certain amount of “grit” that you need. You shouldn’t just drop everything once you face a simple challenge, but it almost feels like it builds in learned hopelessness. Like the elephant that could rip out the stake holding him down but doesn’t because he “learned” that he was powerless at a young age.

In a way, right now feels like that. We’re helpless in that (most of us anyway) can’t impact COVID 19. We can’t work on vaccine distribution or fixing the clusterfuck that is federal and provincial co-operation(1)or lack thereof. Sure we can do our part in staying on the couch. But it’s not the same.

And so in a way, the “learned helplessness” is not always a bad thing. If we reframe it as “acceptance”, well that changes everything doesn’t it? We need to accept the current circumstances and our ability (or lack thereof) to influence it.

So like most things:

“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.”

Niels Bohr

In the meantime we can listen to angsty songs about waiting for the real world to begin (again):

[Verse 1]
I’ve been waiting
I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life
But it’s not quite right
And this ‘real’
It’s impossible if possible at whose blind word?
So clear but so unheard

[Verse 2]
I’ve been waiting
I’ve been waiting for this silence all night long
It’s just a matter of time
To appear sad
With the same ‘ol decent lazy eye fixed to rest on you
Aim free and so untrue

[Chorus]
Everyone’s so intimately rearranged
Everyone’s so focused clearly with such shine
Everyone’s so intimately rearranged
Everyone’s so focused clearly with such shine

Locked and loaded
Still the same ol’ decent lazy eye straight through your gaze
That’s why I said I relate
I said we relate, it’s so fun to relate

[Bridge]
It’s the room, the sun and the sky
The room, the sun and the sky

[Guitar Solo]

[Outro]
I’ve been waiting
I’ve been waiting for this moment…

Footnotes

Footnotes
1 or lack thereof

Wish You Were Here

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell? Blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? Did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year
Running over the same old ground, what have we found?
The same old fears, wish you were here

Beyoncé – Haunted

While I’m not a huge fan of the first part (Ghost), I really like Haunted by Beyoncé.

Only the haunted part of the song

I think one thing that appeals to me is the slight subversion with

I know if I’m haunting you, you must be haunting me

At first glance(1)or at first listen you just assume that it’s “If you’re haunting me, then I must be haunting you”.

But that’s not the line, and to me it implies a sort of unawareness of being haunted.

Full song, ghost & haunted

Footnotes

Footnotes
1 or at first listen

Dance for me

They say oh my god I see the way you shine
Take your hand, my dear, and place them both in mine
You know you stopped me dead while I was passing by
And now I beg to see you dance just one more time

Ooh I see you, see you, see you every time
And oh my I, I, I like your style
You, you make me, make me, make me wanna cry
And now I beg to see you dance just one more timeSo they say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh
I’ve never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you’re done I’ll make you do it all again

I said oh my god I see you walking by
Take my hands, my dear, and look me in my eyes
Just like a monkey I’ve been dancing my whole life
But you just beg to see me dance just one more time

Ooh I see you, see you, see you every time
And oh my I, I like your style
You, you make me, make me, make me wanna cry
And now I beg to see you dance just one more time

So they say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh
I’ve never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you’re done I’ll make you do it all again

They say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I’ve never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you’re done I’ll make you do it all again

Ooh
Woah-oh, woah-oh, oh
Ooh
Ah ah, ah

They say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh
I’ve never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you’re done I’ll make you do it all again

They say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I’ve never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you’re done I’ll make you do it all again
All again

pseudo acoustic version