I find the problem is when I’m in the moment I often forget it. I might get back to it a bit later. Realize I lost it and then be compassionate in the past tense. I’m hoping it’s like all exercise, the more I practice it, the better it’ll be.
I really loved the Mass Effect video game, the whole trilogy in fact is amazing. One thing I still remember clearly is finishing Mass Effect and having this song come on during the credits:
From the start of the guitar to when the lyrics kick in, the song always spoke to me. While I was perhaps slightly better than in the past in 2008, it was still a pretty big mess. The feeling of longing, nostalgia and what I’ll call hopeful despair that I took from the song really made an impact on me at the time.
I identified with the lyrics, I had always up to that point struggled with being able to be a “full” person on my own. That I shouldn’t need anyone else that I used as a crutch. My happiness, my wisdom, my actions, they shouldn’t rely on there being someone else there with me (in particular as a romantic partner).
And I need you to recover Because I can’t make it on my own
While this quote is again from Seneca, (Or Lucilius I guess?) I think it falls inline with the misattribution bias. Something that I think successful people often fall in the trap of. I am successful clearly because I am better, and not because of some random lucky breaks I go (especially including inherited wealth).
While not the same, I find them similar enough and the comic does a good job of explaining it.
So as much as I say that I’m writing for myself, it’s always interesting to see the traffic patterns. I can see why people become obsessed with Facebook’s algorithm and making it happy since it is what drives so much sporadic traffic. It’s kinda like the rats and birds that become superstitious, you just start to think that certain things will cause traffic.
All that to say, that no one seems to care about Seneca, but sadly for you, I don’t have anything more interesting at the moment (that’s probably a lie, but my thoughts on those topics are a bit scattered right now).
I think it’s also bit apropos that the topic of that post was on accepting and embracing helping one person and not many. Facebook and Twitter have conspired to make sure I really appreciate that point.
I’ve been thinking about this duality for a while, many years in fact. But for some reason, it showed up in multiple ways today.
I have a tendency to be a big picture person, I see it, and I want to get us there. The problem is that along that road there are a lot of small victories that need to be had. It’s often demoralizing if you know where you should be, and know how far ahead it still is.
“One man means as much to me as a multitude, and a multitude only as much as one man.”
“I am content with few, content with one, content with none at all.”
“I write this not for the many, but for you; each of us is enough of an audience for the other.”
My take away for today is that while there are many big picture items I will strive towards, it’s only by taking small steps, by helping one person, improving one tool, that I’ll be able to achieve them.
So I cancelled my viveport account, I’m not sure, like 2-3 months ago. And then today noticed that they had just charged me again! So I contact support, and oh, they can’t refund me unless I somehow have a screenshot of the cancellation screen of my refund.
That’s total BS, I’m going to do a chargeback via my Visa, but I’d really recommend everyone be really careful with Viveport. Pretty shady and I won’t trust them in the future. See relevant post about refunds as brand loyalty.
I think there’s this idea that we should all aim to be rich. That money is a valid metric for success. I think it’s a bit like wanting to be CTO or CEO (something I’ve struggled with potentially wanting). It’s outsourcing your feelings of self worth to something you can point to. It’s not real, but you can tell yourself it’s important.
As you may know I’ve recently started at CDS. CDS is part of the Treasury Board of Canada Secretariat, making me a civil servant. While I’ve had some fun blogging random, not really useful, thoughts about the current going-ons in politics I’m going to stop. While I don’t think they were partisan in nature ( since they were pretty much all over the place ), the default go to for civil servants is to stay quiet publicly about their personal thoughts on politics. I actually think this is a good, and a very important thing. I think Canadians needs to know that the folks in the civil service are working for the country ( technically the Queen ) and not working for a political party.
When joining the public service you take an oath. Part of it reads:
I solemnly affirm that I will faithfully and honestly fulfil the duties that devolve on me by reason of my employment in the public service of Canada
That oath is no matter what the government of the day is. And I intent to uphold that oath, no matter what the government of the day is. That’s why I won’t be posting any more musings on politics for the foreseeable future.
Starting a new job is always a mix of nervousness and excitement. While you can’t ever extrapolate from one day, meeting the team at CDS and chatting with many of the folks there was very enlightening. My key take away is that there’s a lot of work to be done, a lot of processes to be improved, and technical systems to be updated. I think we have our work cut out for us and I’m really excited about being able to help make it happen.